Proclamation
Nation
As I checked my phone on the morning of January 1st,
I noticed the hashtag #NewYearNewMe had
made its rounds on the social media circuit. For an Insta-minute, my feeds were
over-run by accounts of people making proclamations to crush their goals of “beating
yesterday” and “owning tomorrow.” Others were falling over themselves in hopes
of becoming the next great influencer offering up their “beating/owning/crushing”
assistance. I smiled, quietly wished everyone well, and kept on scrolling.
Yearning
for Yesterday
There was a time when this kind of stuff was right
up my alley. I lived for diet and exercise and would have been first in line to
sign up for the ‘fresh start challenge du jour.’ I spent oodles of time logging
my work outs and tracking my weight and body measurements, I even became a
certified fitness trainer! All was done in an effort to keep improving, to “beat
yesterday.” Maybe even to pretend I was healthy? And anytime I had a setback, I
must have done something wrong; I would be fairly hard on myself.
Over the years, my health issues became more and
more time consuming and I gradually let my certifications expire and my
detailed tracking slide. Even though I continued to exercise, I mourned my old
self and carried sadness in my heart. I resolved to someday get back to where I
was, to “rediscover yesterday.”
Talk about a set up for failure! On days I felt
like crap not much got done. Let’s be honest, NOTHING got done. And I would be
pissed! Ironically, good days were not much better because I didn’t want to
ruin feeling good. It was a lot of self-imposed pressure. Let me tell you, this
is a paralyzing way to live life.
New
Year, Still Here!
This New Year (that isn’t so new anymore) I’ve
taken my own advice and spent some time reflecting, appreciating, and preparing (winter magic)
>I’ve recognized Yesterday is not something to beat or yearn for. I am not who I was yesterday and that can be a good thing.
>I can set goals but I don’t need to crush them in order to feel accomplished or adequate.
>I appreciate there will be days when I feel fabulous and can go out into the world and accomplish momentous things. I don’t have to be afraid and can savor feeling wonderful for as long as it lasts.
>I also accept there will be other days when the best I can do is to keep breathing and know this too shall pass.
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“Right
here, right now, there is no other place I want to be.”
–Jesus Jones
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