I have always wanted to participate in the monthly
Linkup Party for People with Chronic Illnesses hosted by A Chronic Voice but
never made the effort to do so. But that is about to change, today I was
inspired to write so I’m letting the first three prompts (Ranting, Adding, and
Spreading) be my guide for my entry in the July-linkup-party
Angry
Back
Since taking on the title of Professional Patient,
I have become adept at handling most of the medicine balls life has thrown my
way. There are times however; my dealings with illnesses, doctors, and
insurance companies are enough to tense the devil. That’s when I rage and rant.
My most recent angry outburst was last week when my
lower back muscles decided to tighten and spasm. As I lay on the floor,
alternating between my heating pad and ice pack, I started to think of all the
things I could (should) be doing. Getting down in the dirt and working in my
garden was top of the list. Stupid back, why me, why now?!
After a few miserable hours, I evaluated my state
of affairs and reluctantly employed one of my distress tolerance tools –Radical Acceptance. “I am in pain but it’s
not the worst pain I’ve ever had. While I’m stuck indoors, what can I do that
will distract me from the pain but not make it worse?” I decided my house
arrest would be best served tackling a long overdue project, cleaning out the forest
of papers and binders left over from my master’s degree program.
Subtract
to Add
As I was trashing my grad school masterpieces, I
came to a realization. I feel cluttered; mentally and physically. As I started
thinking about my plans to purchase more baskets and containers for my stuff, I
had a crazy idea: What if I just got rid
of the stuff? Drastic, I know.
Keeping the clean sweep going, I purged a closet
of some old clothes and accessories. I did some social media housekeeping as
well. I unfollowed some pages, unsubscribed from emails, and deleted some apps
from my phone. Removing some of the burdensome things from my life afforded me
the opportunity to add what I truly
wanted: room to move, room to breathe!
Spreading
My Wings (and Flying out of My Comfort Zone)
A few days later, one of my neighbors was out for
a walk. She saw me on my porch and stopped for a chat. She asked if I had been
to the gym lately. I admitted I had not so she suggested I attend the 10:30
yoga class with her. Yikes!
I haven’t felt like going to the gym for a couple
months now. I struggled establishing a routine, treadmills can be a bore, and
I’ve never been a huge fan of group fitness either. I’ve questioned what
possessed me to join a gym in the first place and have considered cancelling my
membership. I have used my anti-gym mentality to convince myself that yard work
and housework were plenty enough exercise. But now my spazzy back had nixed the
yard work, what was I going to do?! I can’t spend the rest of my days lying on
the floor… or could I?
As I was formulating a way to politely decline,
she offered to pick me up. Well, who could say no to that?
While she drove, our banter was light and I
enjoyed listening to her tell me about the other fitness classes she has taken.
Once there, she introduced me to some of the other regulars, making me feel
welcome and less anxious.
The instructor led us through a series of restorative
poses that were energizing, relaxing, as well as soothing to my lower back
(surprise, surprise!) As the class was winding down and I laid on my mat, spread out in Savasana, a feeling of
gratitude washed over me. Gratitude for my blessed and privileged life (yes, that includes my spazzy back), and for
a thoughtful and tenacious friend, who came along at the right time and helped
me remember the importance of taking time to care for myself.
