Resolution Reflections

Proclamation Mania

Here we are a couple weeks into the New Year and every other post in my social media accounts is still a resolution themed ad. Somehow the internet algorithm gods figured I must be in need of some mythical superfood supplements and all THE best kept secrets in fat blasting exercise gadgets. Ah, no.

Next up are those making proclamations to hit the ground running as they resolve to crush their goals of “beating yesterday” and “owning tomorrow.” And last but not least, we have the ‘health coaches’ falling over themselves offering up their “crushing/beating/owning” assistance. It all sounds a little violent, don’t you think?

Yearning for Yesterday

There was a time when this kind of stuff was right up my alley. I lived for diet and exercise and would have been first in line to sign up for the ‘fresh start challenge du jour.’ I spent oodles of time logging my work outs and tracking my weight and body measurements, I even became a certified fitness trainer! All was done in an effort to keep improving, to “beat yesterday” as well as to beat chronic illness. I loved kicking my own ass!

Eventually, my health issues became more and more time consuming and I gradually let my certifications expire and my detailed tracking slide. And anytime I experienced a setback, I counter-attacked with a miracle fix, usually born out of desperation to keep fighting for gains. When a fix ceased to work, I figured I must have done something wrong because lord knows the diet and exercise regimens never took responsibility.

As my health tanked, I continued to exercise but it wasn’t the same. With every ‘what’s the point’ workout I mourned my old self and carried sadness in my heart. Instead of enjoying a two mile walk, I’d be zeroed in on the fact that I used to run six miles in the same amount of time (conveniently forgetting the damage done to my knees and feet.) Never the less, I was resolute in my mission to someday get back to where I was, to “rediscover yesterday.”

Moving On

It took some time (and therapy), but soon enough I realized beating myself up (mentally and physically) was not helping the situation. I let go of dieting, supplements, and the belief I needed a super structured work out regimen. And the best part of it all is I have learned to accept my new and ever changing normal.

I’ve recognized yesterday is not something to beat or yearn for; it’s gone. I am not who I was yesterday and that can be a good thing.

I honor myself where I am at. Whether it be stacking firewood or enjoying a nap, it’s all good.

There is more to me than my physical body; as long as I am happy and comfortable, that should enough.

I can set realistic goals and I don’t need to crush them in order to feel accomplished or adequate.

Accept Yourself 

I don’t believe I can do anything to stop Proclamation Mania from bubbling to the surface every January but I can do my best to ride the wave. And I can make a simple request, if you are considering adding the act of ‘beating yourself’ as part of a health and fitness resolution this year, I challenge you to take a moment to reconsider and add the radical act of ‘accepting yourself’ instead. I think you will find yourself pleasantly surprised.

Three Little Birds

Several years ago, I attended a conference presented by the Center for Mind Body Medicine (CMBM). The mindfulness exercises led by Dr. James Gordon were something special. The following is a remembrance of one of them.

Give Me a Break

It was day two and 3:00 in the afternoon, time for a much anticipated (and needed) break. Dr. Gordon instructed us to stand and close our eyes. He was going to play some music and we were going to systematically shake our bodies. We started from the ground up, gently bouncing, moving our ankles, knees, and then hips. Continuing up the body, we moved our torsos, shoulders, arms, and head. We shook like this for six minutes to a hypnotic techno-instrumental. Dr. Gordon counted the minutes and encouraged us to keep shaking, keep moving! Even though the last minute felt like eternity, my eyes were closed, my body was shaking, and for a moment I felt as if I were alone in the room (Actually, I was one of 400).

Cries with That Shake

The music stopped; we opened our eyes. In preparation for part two of this exercise, Dr. Gordon instructed us to take a few slow, deep breaths. I was a bit worn out and hopeful part two would not involve more shaking. Dr. Gordon asked us to close our eyes again and this time we were to move our bodies in whatever way would feel good. The music began; I started to sway and then I started to cry. The song he played? Three Little Birds, by Bob Marley.

I’ve heard this song a million times before but this was different; why the tears? At the time, I was a medical hot mess, lots of tests, waiting for results, and fretting about what the future may hold. As Bob Marley sang to me, “Don’t worry, about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right” I realized my body may have been in the room but my mind was nowhere to be found. I became painfully aware I had let my personal situations weigh on me to the extent that I was no longer a participant in my own life! Those six minutes shook the weight off of my shoulders and Mr. Marley brought me back, front and center, to the present moment.

Embrace the Moment

As I reflect on this day, I like to view it as a microcosm of my life. While there have been many times I have desired to be ‘anywhere but here’, something inevitably shakes me into remembering there will never be another precious moment exactly like the one I’m in and not to fret because “every little thing gonna be all right.”

Three little birds, pitch by my doorstep