Colon-oddities
In the summer of 2002, a few months before I would
be diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, I found myself in the bathroom, a lot. The
ripping lower abdominal pain and indescribable fatigue I was experiencing only
got worse. My mouth filled with ulcers making it painful to eat or talk. When I
was finally referred to a GI specialist, he suggested a colonoscopy. Hell, he
could have suggested a lobotomy and I probably would have agreed!
Almost everything about my first scope was awful.
I wasn’t ready for how yucky the prep solution would taste or how fast it would
hit (there were some close calls whilst running to the bathroom!) Being cleaned
out left me cold, dizzy, and dehydrated. And let’s not forget my sore bum!
Always
Look on the Bright Side of Life –Monty Python
Next week, I am scheduled to have my 11th
colonoscopy! Why so many? Well, because of where the disease has decided to
take up residency in my body (large intestine), I’m at a higher risk for colon
cancer. To stay on top of things, my gastroenterologist recommends I get a
surveillance colonoscopy every two to three years. I usually dread the procedure
but this time around I have decided to embrace the process.
OLD THINKING: “I’m a prisoner in my own home.”
NEW THINKING: This is the perfect time for some
much deserved self-care. I will put on my favorite sweats, read, write, and nap
(until “go time!”)
OLD: “Clear liquids, ugh!”
NEW: I can sip my favorite tea, eat lemon Italian
ice, and all the lime Jell-O in the world is mine!
OLD: “The prep tastes horrid!”
NEW: True, the prep is not the best tasting stuff
but back in the day I used to drink Coors Light. GoLyte is a step up.
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| Prep Day Provisions |
The
Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
Anesthesia is awesome! I always try to fight it
like Schwarzenegger in True Lies, but
I never win. I wake up wondering when they will get started only to find 40
minutes have passed, the test is over, and I feel surprisingly refreshed.
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| Sleep, poppies will make them sleep |
During the procedure, the doctor will fill your
intestines with air. While in recovery you WILL be encouraged to let out all
that air. Yes my friends, this is a safe zone for letting farts fly!
While you and your new colonoscopy buds are
recreating the campfire scene from Blazing
Saddles, the compassionate nurse monitoring you will offer some of the best
medicine: a warm blanket, ginger ale, and Lorna Doone cookies.
As a parting gift, you are given colored photos of
your innards. Maybe I’ll use mine for a Christmas card: Deck the Halls with Bowels of Kelly, Fa La La La La… Well, maybe
not.
The
Day of Kelly
Because of the anesthesia’s lingering effects,
driving yourself home is forbidden. My husband will take the day off work to be
my personal escort, valet, and advocate. He’ll also take me out for a nice
lunch. He’s a great guy!
Once home, I get to enjoy more “me time.” My
discharge papers will instruct me to avoid operating heavy machinery (I
consider the stove, washer, and dryer to fit into that category) so I will have
no choice but to lounge around, drink tea, and nap some more. It really is an
“all about me” kind of day. And this time, I am looking forward to it 😀😀😀
