Saturday, April 4, 2020

Thank You and Good Night

Hello!

If you have been following me you may have noticed I haven’t written anything new for my blog in quite some time. I’ve wanted to but fortunately, my health has been surprisingly stable as of late and as a result, I don’t have much to say about navigating a chronically ill life.

So, after some thought, I’ve decided to give Write Down the Middle (and myself) a break.

I enjoyed my time here on Blogger and who knows, maybe I'll be back with a different blog and topic. Thank you to everyone who took some time out of their day to read my stories!


Monday, January 6, 2020

Resolution Reflections


Proclamation Mania
Here we are a couple weeks into the New Year and every other post in my social media accounts is still a resolution themed ad. Somehow the internet algorithm gods figured I must be in need of some mythical superfood supplements and all THE best kept secrets in fat blasting exercise gadgets. Ah, no.

Next up are those making proclamations to hit the ground running as they resolve to crush their goals of “beating yesterday” and “owning tomorrow.” And last but not least, we have the ‘health coaches’ falling over themselves offering up their “crushing/beating/owning” assistance. It all sounds a little violent, don’t you think?


Yearning for Yesterday
There was a time when this kind of stuff was right up my alley. I lived for diet and exercise and would have been first in line to sign up for the ‘fresh start challenge du jour.’ I spent oodles of time logging my work outs and tracking my weight and body measurements, I even became a certified fitness trainer! All was done in an effort to keep improving, to “beat yesterday” as well as to beat chronic illness. I loved kicking my own ass!

Eventually, my health issues became more and more time consuming and I gradually let my certifications expire and my detailed tracking slide. And anytime I experienced a setback, I counter-attacked with a miracle fix, usually born out of desperation to keep fighting for gains. When a fix ceased to work, I figured I must have done something wrong because lord knows the diet and exercise regimens never took responsibility.

As my health tanked, I continued to exercise but it wasn’t the same. With every ‘what’s the point’ workout I mourned my old self and carried sadness in my heart. Instead of enjoying a two mile walk, I’d be zeroed in on the fact that I used to run six miles in the same amount of time (conveniently forgetting the damage done to my knees and feet.) Never the less, I was resolute in my mission to someday get back to where I was, to “rediscover yesterday.”


Moving On
It took some time (and therapy), but soon enough I realized beating myself up (mentally and physically) was not helping the situation. I let go of dieting, supplements, and the belief I needed a super structured work out regimen. And the best part of it all is I have learned to accept my new and ever changing normal.


I’ve recognized yesterday is not something to beat or yearn for; it’s gone. I am not who I was yesterday and that can be a good thing.

I honor myself where I am at. Whether it be stacking firewood or enjoying a nap, it’s all good.

There is more to me than my physical body; as long as I am happy and comfortable, that should enough.

I can set realistic goals and I don’t need to crush them in order to feel accomplished or adequate.



Accept Yourself 
I don’t believe I can do anything to stop Proclamation Mania from bubbling to the surface every January but I can do my best to ride the wave. And I can make a simple request, if you are considering adding the act of ‘beating yourself’ as part of a health and fitness resolution this year, I challenge you to take a moment to reconsider and add the radical act of ‘accepting yourself’ instead. I think you will find yourself pleasantly surprised.