I truly
dread meeting new people. Small talk and idle chit-chat usually lead to being
asked anxiety producing questions like “So, what do you do? Where do you work?
Are you working full-time?” Where is a trap door when you need one?!
I never ask
anyone these questions because I don’t want anyone to ask me these questions, because
I don’t have an answer, well a good one anyway. Since I was 15 years old, I’ve
always had at least one job. I haven’t had steady work for about six years now
and I really don’t like to talk about it all that much. As a person living with
chronic illness (that sometimes needs a two hour nap after a trip to the
grocery store) I just don’t have the stamina, for a job or the conversation.
When I meet
someone new that asks me about my work, I usually say something like, “I’m
between gigs right now.” If they press for details, I start stammering a long
and turbulent story of my work history (AKA: my resume) in a desperate attempt
to let them know that there is nothing wrong with me, I am employable. I usually leave my medical resume out of my
ramblings. I’m not sure, but I bet there is probably some Emily Post rule out
there somewhere about the timing of introducing the topics of brain surgery and
bowel habits into a conversation with someone you’ve just met.
It’s when we
part ways that I beat myself up, wonder why I said all the dumb things I said. I
get caught up in comparing myself to others, thinking that I’m not good enough
or worthy of their time because I am not gainfully employed. I find myself
projecting what they may be thinking, are they judging me because I do not have
an employer? Do they think I’m lazy? If only I tried harder? Am I too picky? I
berate myself for not having a job; if I had a job, I’d have an acceptable answer.
Over-thinking: 1 Kelly: 0
I’ve tried making
my employment status into a joke by giving clever yet evasive replies. After a
few chuckles from the crowd, I somehow end up apologizing for being flip and go
back to my old spluttering script. Here are a few of the responses I have
tried:
·
Self-unemployed –One time someone responded, “Oh, an
entrepreneur, how exciting!” I’m not sure if they missed my joke or if they
were playing along and I missed their joke.
·
Domestic Goddess -stole this one from Roseanne Barr.
Usually makes people laugh but I think most don’t know of its origin, I’ve actually
had to explain who she is and it kind of takes the fun out of it.
·
Alchemist-I can take ordinary water and make
the most fabulous soup you have ever tasted. And at Thanksgiving, give me the
picked over turkey carcass and I can feed you for days. Actually, I’m very much
like Jesus; water to wine, loaves and fishes? Please!
·
Professional patient -While true, it does catch people off
guard, makes them uncomfortable and head for the hills. Essentially it gets me
the result that I claim I want; to be left alone.
Seriously
though, after some much needed self-reflection, I’ve come to realize that yes, I indeedily-do have a job, it’s called, Taking
Care of Myself. What I don’t have
is a paycheck.
The other
day, I decided to test this new response out. I was attending a conference and
someone asked me one of the million dollar questions, “Do you work full-time?”
I calmly answered, “Yes, I work full-time at Taking Care of Myself and
waited for her reaction. She didn’t ask for details so I offered none (I
thought my head was going to explode!) She just smiled at me and said, “Good
for you!” Over-thinking: 0 Kelly: 1
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| Photo credit: geralt via Pixabay |
