Last month I
attended my niece’s high school graduation party. My brother, whom I haven’t
seen in about three years, asked me the following: “So Kel, what diet
restrictions are you doing these days?”
Odd question?
Not really. If you know me, then you know that for the majority of my existence
I have subscribed to some sort of diet dogma, especially since my Crohn’s
disease diagnosis. Pills, potions, powders, points; you name it, I’ve done it.
But before I tell you how I answered my brother’s question, I’d like to share a
little of my diet chasing history.
Let the Chase Begin
Fifteen
years ago, when Crohn’s
disease entered my life, I asked my GI doctor about a diet. “Isn’t there a foods
to include/avoid list?” He told me, “Simple, if something bothers you then
don’t eat it.” I was floored, what kind of shit advice was that? He had to be
wrong! Especially when a Google search of “Diet for Crohn’s disease” yielded
74,000,000 results! Who to believe?
Trained
medical professional: 0 Strangers
on the internet: 1
I spent
hours reading and marveling over other people’s anecdotal stories of healing
themselves with special diets and supplements always forgetting the key word,
“anecdotal.” I dabbled in a few of the ‘cures’ but never had a big ah-ha
moment. There seemed to be so much contradiction in the available diet
advice: vegan, paleo, high fiber, low fiber, raw, cooked, etc. I did my best to
tune out the chatter and remain objective but it was challenging to silence the
call of 74,000,000 voices. I kept chasing.
Off the Rails
Alas,
episodes of remission were intermittent and I endured a few more painful flares
of the disease but when
the ‘Flare of 2008’ overflowed into 2009, I had had enough! I was so frustrated
with the pain, the drugs, more drugs, and of course, food.
I shifted into panic
mode and reignited my search for the elusive magic cure. I lost what remained
of my healthy skepticism and started believing everything I read on the
internet (again.) Ultimately, I jumped on the gluten-free crazy train, even
though I tested negative for Celiac Disease. At the time, gluten-free mania was
just starting to pick up steam (not sure if Gwyneth was gluten-free yet.) Going
gluten-free wasn’t for sissies, you had to be hard core creative. I persevered
and rose to the challenge. I was ‘WOKE
AF’ before ‘being woke’ was even a thing! I was proud of my enlightened way of eating; I was
fanatically and religiously gluten-free for about two years.
Plot Twist
Eventually, I started
experiencing some new GI symptoms: gas, constipation, bloating, and burping. My GI doctor
assured me that I was not in active disease but maybe my GERD and hiatal hernia
were cranky. Well great, here I thought I was doing everything right. I was
living a high and mighty gluten-shunning life; wasn’t that it, the golden
ticket, the silver bullet, the magic bean?! I kept at the chase, investigating
other diets that I thought might help quell my GI distress; enter FODMAPs.
What the Heck is a FODMAP?
FODMAPs (Fermentable Oligosaccharides
Disaccharides Monosaccharides And Polyols) are short-chain carbohydrates that
are easily fermented by our gut bacteria, thus creating the IBS symptoms of excess
gas and bloating. I played around with the diet (unsupervised of course) and
identified stone fruits as my main problematic foods. As fate would have it, in
my efforts to avoid gluten, I had been eating apples, peaches, and pears like a
boss. I stopped eating them and soon noticed a decrease in my bloating and
burping symptoms. Before long I was able to eat a relatively normal (yet semi-gluten-free)
diet, in spite of developing an irrational fear of apples.
And…She’s Gone
After about a year, I
started feeling blah and bloated again so I played doctor again and found even
more FODMAP foods to avoid, tightened up the gluten restriction, and banished
dairy foods (because, just in case.) I discovered pseudo-foods like ‘cheez’
sauce made from cashews, pudding made with chia seed and coconut milk, and cauliflower
crust pizza (all delicious by the way.) The diet I had created made me feel isolated and fragile but definitely
not trendy; I had convinced myself that I
truly needed all of those restrictions! My diet
had become my identity.
It’s not easy to take
a show like that on the road and as a result, I almost ruined a vacation to Key
West. I was obsessed with scrutinizing the restaurants and food options on the
island. Even though I found a vegan café, gluten free key lime pie, and coconut
milk smoothies, I wasn’t happy. I was tired and a bit pissed off! When I
returned home, I said “screw it” and spent the next year eating anything I wanted;
sending a big FU to my body and Crohn’s.
Reflections or (Shutting Up and Listening
to my Body)
While I was in my
“I’ll eat whatever I want mode”, something peculiar happened, I found that I was
able to eat many of my once taboo foods without incident. No worlds collided,
no cracks in the universe appeared, nor did the ground open up to swallow me
once I started eating apples and donuts again. How could this be? I believe it
all came down to control and fear.
I thought I could control
my body, and ultimately control this disease by tightly controlling my diet.
And this need for control was driven by fear; I was terrified of food!
I shunned ‘evil foods’ because I was
afraid of the harm they might cause if I ate them. I ate ‘superfoods’ for fear
of the health benefits I would miss if I didn’t eat them.
Since letting go of my need for control
and the crippling fears that drove that need, I now view food as the object
that it is. I have become more relaxed while
eating and discovered that I can tolerate just about any food.
The Answer
OK, back to
my brother. As I gazed upon my plate of glorious picnic fare, I didn’t see
gluten, carbs, and dairy. I saw food; food that was lovingly prepared for a
special occasion, food that appealed to me, food that I desired to eat. And at
that moment, I realized just how far I have come in the past 15 years.
I looked up,
smiled at my brother and replied, “I only eat tasty food.”
He laughed; and
said, “Life’s too short huh Kel?”
I replied,
“Yes! And food’s too good!”
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| Tasty food at home: Pasta and scallops! |
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| Tasty food out: Greek festival delights! |
