I was sitting in my therapist’s office waiting
room when a young woman hurried in and plopped herself and a large bag down on
one of the couches. She turned her body so her back was up against the arm
of the couch and her feet were on the cushions. She then proceeded to flip
through her phone; a rapid session of shrill beeps, blips, and bops followed.
Every once in a while she would LOL (for real.) She seemed to be in her own
world, oblivious to all around her.
My first reaction to her presence was judgmental,
“Who the hell does she think she is?!” I then checked myself. I was sitting up
straight, in one chair, feet on floor, purse on lap, phone in purse set on
silent. I was the perfect passive-aggressive poster child for waiting room
decorum and this woman never took the hint. The noise, noise, noise! I found
myself getting irritated.
Now I could have stewed over being irritated and
started a rumination of every time in my life I had been irritated,
ultimately ruining my day, which in of its self is irritating (and one of the
reasons for said therapy!) Oh I could have taken that poison like I had done so
many times before. Not today! Instead, I opted to play a game.
“I point to myself” is a powerful and humbling centering
exercise I was introduced to in my master’s program. It illustrates
the concept of Oneness (i.e. we are all connected to each other and to the
universe.) The way to play is to physically point at yourself and say (out loud
if possible) “I point to myself”, then point at something or someone and say it
again, “I point to myself.” Do this several times, always pointing to something
different in between the times you point at yourself.
So I looked for the connection. I knew nothing
about this woman but I could just about guarantee she was not there to deliver
pizzas. Could it have been that she was there for the same reason I was, to
work through some stuff that’s got her down? Once I realized that we had something
in common, I was able to see a little bit of myself in her and a twinge of
empathy came over me. And when I admitted I had probably behaved in a
similar manner somewhere in my checkered past, I saw some of her in me and
cracked a smile. When I changed my perception, I changed my emotions and my
irritation diminished.
Why do I bring up the phenomena of this woman in
that moment? I’m glad you asked! Passing judgement without having all of the
facts is a slippery slope to be on. Moments of minor irritation come at
us constantly throughout the day (screaming babies, people who can’t park, or walk too slow, etc.) and more times than not, we find ourselves quick to judge.
When some (or all) of the facts are missing, fantastic stories are often
created to fill in the gaps, ultimately leading to the belief of falsehoods. Often
times these stories cause unnecessary grief and misery (e.g. my Grinch-like
irritation.) Who has time for that?!
While we might not have control over the moment we
are in, we can control our perception of it. When I point to myself, I find the common ground. I find
empathy and most importantly, I find peace.
