Hitting the Pause Button

When I’m feeling overwhelmed by my chronically confounding life, it can be tempting to give up on myself. Sometimes the thought of curling up into a ball and cursing whoever or whatever caused my pain is the best I’ve got. As fun as that seems, it’s not a sustainable long term plan. Eventually I will have to get up and deal with the issue. But what if I’m not quite ready to rumble? That’s when distractions can come in handy.

Distraction Not Denial

Finding healthy ways to distract from unpleasant emotions is one of the distress tolerance techniques I’ve learned while in therapy. Putting a vexing situation on the back-burner, albeit temporarily, and putting something else first in my mind buys me some time so when I’m ready I can cope with the unpleasantness in a beneficial and productive manner.

So Kelly, what exactly are these distractions you speak of? I’m glad you asked! I use activities that I find to be pleasurable.

Making a List

The first step was to sift through a list of 100+ pleasurable activities and check all that piqued my interest. I was skeptical at first because I’ve read many books of lists promising a fix for a broken life: 50 Ways To Do This, The 10 Best Whatevers, blah, blah, blah. I always thought, “I wouldn’t do any of this crap!” or “Who has time for this nonsense?” This time was different as I had someone guiding me through the process of creating a personalized list.

Next, I narrowed the list down to the 15 (that I would actually do) and finally, grouped those 15 into three lists of 5 (an A list, B list, and C list). The following is what I came up with.

A list: Cook favorite meal, Blog, Work outside, Take photographs, Long and peaceful walk

B list: Exercise, Go out to eat, Listen to radio, Play loud music and dance, and Take a nap

C list: Internet shop, Go out for coffee, Go to a mall/park and people watch, Read favorite book, Write a letter to someone

Distraction Before Action

My list of pleasurable activities offers a ‘pause button’ for my life. I know going out for coffee won’t cure my Crohn’s and taking a walk doesn’t pay the bills. Embracing distraction affords me the opportunity to coolly evaluate negative situations rather than become further overwhelmed by them. And when I’m ready to ‘press play’ again, I can do so with no fear. I got this.

 

Sometimes I feel

I've got to

Run away

I've got to

Get away

From the pain you drive into the heart of me

–Tainted Love written by Ed Cobb

Adventures of The (In)Flexible Spending Account

Ever since they came into being, my husband and I have had a flexible spending account (FSA). On the surface it might seem like a god-send, being able to sock away a little pre-tax pay for the sole purpose of medical expenses, especially when dealing with the unpredictable costs of chronic illness. Well not so fast! As these types of accounts have morphed and mutated, so have the rules and regulations. So much so that managing our FSA account has become my part-time job!

When Your Money Isn’t Really Your Money

Even though it is my husband’s pay, the government retains the right to dictate how he can spend this “tax free” money because (technically) some of it is theirs. Any time we use the funds we are required to submit supporting documentation and hope and pray our claim will be approved. If not approved, the FSA gods want the money back, immediately! Oh and our account has no roll over, it’s “use it or lose it.”

Deciding how much moolah to put in the account is a crap shoot. Yes, there’s a handy-dandy expenditure estimating tool but its rubbish. Co-pay and deductible amounts change from year to year and I can never be 100% sure what tests any of my specialists will order. Most years we have easily spent all funds before the benefits year is up. This past year we ended up with an unexpected surplus that had me scrambling to unload it before it disappeared into the abyss.

Lose Money? Not On My Watch!

I take managing our FSA very seriously. Mainly because I am the one generating the majority of the medical bills and I would blame myself for any loss of money. I also consider it my duty to get our monies worth and have become quite adept at stretching a penny.

A surplus?! This was new territory for me, how was I to spend a lot of FSA money in a short amount of time? I consulted our card’s website for guidance (because going all willy-nilly at the drug store is frowned upon.) As I reviewed the generic list of approved items, I noticed one called “first aid supplies” I could only guess what the hell that meant. It had to mean more than Band-Aids, right? Intrigued, I called the toll-free number.

I asked for a definition of “first aid supplies”, the representative was as vague as the website. I was instructed to go to a different website and there I would find the Promised Land, all of my FSA questions answered. I could even buy stuff without a hassle, oh joy! This sounded too good to be true and you know what they say about that.

FSA WTF

The website was super fun. The majority of items were shamelessly overpriced, I’d need to open an account if I wanted to make a purchase, and of course I could not find a definition for “first aid supplies.” And to make things extra entertaining, some purchases require a script from your doctor while some don’t. And it is NOT intuitive! Denture cleaner- Can be purchased with FSA funds and no script. Toothpaste- That’s a no-no, don’t you dare think about using FSA money! Tums- A doctor’s prescription is required! What a waste of a physician’s time!

Feeling my head throb and my frustration growing, I bit the bullet and clicked on the live chat tab. “What are first aid supplies? Can I buy hydrogen peroxide, isopropyl alcohol, or Neosporin with FSA monies and no script?” After a bunch of canned text pleasantries from ‘Sammie’ I received an answer. “Prescription required.”  GTFO!

Outcomes and Lessons

If you know me, you know I don’t give up easily. I kept digging and discovered some of my past Amazon purchases qualified as FSA eligible. I logged into my Amazon account and downloaded my invoices for those items. I then logged into my FSA account, created several claims, uploaded the invoices, and submitted them to the FSA gods. A few days later, everything was approved and I was reimbursed. Boom! It wasn’t enough to spend all the funds but it took care of a big chunk.

Over the past few weeks I spent a good deal of time on the computer and phone that left me feeling anxious, frustrated, and irritated. Not the most enjoyable combination of feelings. Good news is, our new benefit year starts today and the FSA card will be reloaded. I get a clean slate and a chance to do it all again!

This time around I plan on utilizing the account as I always have AND I will make a thoughtful effort to save all extra eligible receipts. If for some reason we have another surplus of money, I will be ready! Until we meet again FSA.